lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
