Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
