wrigley field is MILF paradise
wat bout pragnant strippers??
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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