I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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