btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
