There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
