I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Porn is love you can see.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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