I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
