I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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