I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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