just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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