all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
