Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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