just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
