I think my fart just growled at me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
