Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
