I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
