I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
