I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
