im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
