You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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