She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
