Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
