things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
