is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
