ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
