New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
