I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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