Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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