yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
