Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Come on in and take your pants off
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