The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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