She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
