This dress was meant to end up on your floor
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize