I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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