i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Come on in and take your pants off
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