I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
