Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
