just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
