I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
