well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
