3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
