i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
