I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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