I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
