We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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