I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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