it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
