You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
