I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
