Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im about as happy as oj after his trial
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
