I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
