I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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