Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize