I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
