its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
