it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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