i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
