But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
