the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just forgot I was standing up.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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