Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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