Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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