My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
