who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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