Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
