Your face is a jimmy john
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
