I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
