I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
