a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My penis needs a shock collar
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
