If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
