Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
