is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
